There was a time when a friend posed a question to me. Back then, my mind was entangled with numerous thoughts, and I was also annoyed with the person who asked. Consequently, I provided a casual response: "What's it to you? No one knows if there's a God or not! What you feel, what you think is God, are you sure?" This friend of mine was quite zealous in matters of faith, which led them to perceive me as lacking religious conviction (or perhaps even lacking a connection with the Divine). Explaining myself seemed futile, so I chose to let it be.
During that period, I was deeply engrossed in exploring readings that some deemed misleading. And they were right. Those readings were indeed weighty. They delved into matters of reevaluating things that didn't exist (what I later referred to as "not yet having emerged"), but had been mistakenly accepted as existing. By "mistakenly," I refer to the idea of the Divine.
It wasn't just those kinds of books that I encountered. Some new acquaintances I made around that time were quite fond of discussing the concept of Divine Reevaluation. Being naive, inexperienced, and somewhat ignorant, I ended up becoming an attentive listener more than an active participant in those conversations.
Gradually, the ideas I read and heard began to shape my way of thinking. Eventually, my friend's question arrived. Although I didn't answer immediately, it didn't mean I dismissed it. The question required time and contemplation.
Nearly five years later from the time my friend asked that question, I finally feel equipped to respond. My answer could either please my friend or possibly disappoint them. The outcome is uncertain. What's certain is my intention to answer with as much honesty as I can muster.
I grappled for quite a while with the complexities of my thoughts and emotions. The complexity arose from my close association with my mother, who in turn had a close connection with the Divine (unlike my father, who leaned more toward skeptical thinking), coupled with my encounters with the aforementioned readings.
Given the swift pace of life and the realization that focusing solely on this question would consume significant energy and time, I decided to seek an answer. However, this decision isn't yet final and remains open to revision.
My Initial Perspective: Agnosticism:
Initially, when my friend posed the question, I identified myself as an agnostic. To me, everyone passes through this phase; it's merely a matter of acknowledging it or not.
Agnosticism, as I understand it, aligns with William L. Rowe's perspective: "In popular usage, an agnostic is someone who neither believes nor disbelieves in God. In the narrower sense, agnosticism is the view that human reason is incapable of providing rational grounds to justify either the belief that God exists or the belief that God does not exist. (This view is sometimes called agnosticism about the existence of God or simply agnosticism)." Alongside God, my agnostic view extended to encompass the unknowns of theological matters, metaphysics, gods, and the mystical.
Evolution of Belief: Deism:
The path shifted, leading me to adopt deism. This perspective acknowledges the existence of a Divine Being while rejecting the dogmas associated with specific religions. The belief is founded in human logic, dismissing the enigmatic and miraculous.
However, I eventually let go of deism. Holding onto it would signify inconsistency, as it contradicted my previous humility as an agnostic, which acknowledged the limitations of rationality concerning the mystical and extraordinary. Could I, in good conscience, solely rely on logic to understand God?
My Current Belief:
Answering my friend's question was a gradual process. Now, nearly five years later, I've arrived at a response. The essence of my answer lies in my belief in the process of life. A process that commences from my origins (my family) and led me to encounter the concept of God. This journey is intricately tied to my family's religious background.
The process of questioning, inherent in this journey, stays ingrained in my consciousness. Two distinct questions persist in my memory:
"Is it true that you don't know whether God exists or not?" (This question emerged during my agnostic phase, hinting at my naivety in regard to life's experiences. Naivety stemming from my upbringing by a mother closely connected to the Divine. An experience I couldn't easily dismiss.)
"Are you sure your concept of God isn't influenced by the religious knowledge you gained from your family background?" (This question reflects a judgment, branding me hypocritical. It's clear that I was initially introduced to the concept of God through religion. It would be a different story if I had grown up in a non-religious environment.)
Presently, I adhere to the faith I've known since birth. I believe in the concept of God that it entails. Will my journey conclude similarly to my friend's query? Not at all. I'm not the type to blindly follow all religious dictates.
Crafting a conclusive response wasn't simple, just like determining my current belief wasn't straightforward. Nevertheless, I've attempted to answer truthfully. This narrative doesn't intend to serve any purpose or address any particular person. It's merely a sharing of thoughts on the influence of the past, the impact of immediate surroundings, and the challenges of dispelling ingrained notions. These influences reside deep within the subconscious mind.
I extend gratitude to Philosophy for fostering my contemplative nature and guiding me to what I refer to as the process of faith.
=======================================================================
1) William L. Rowe. (1998) (“Agnosticism” in Edward Craig, “Routledge Encyclopedia of Philosophy.” Taylor and Francis).
2) Hepburn, Ronald W. (2005) (Agnosticism in Donald M. Borchert. The Encyclopedia ofPhilosophy Vol. 1; 2nd edition). Mac Millan Reference USA (gale) Hlm92.
3) Pandangan deisme itu sama dengan penjelasan Simon Winchester dalam bukunya “TheProfessor and The Madman” yang terbit tahun 2006.
